Passing the Vibe

According to the Catch The Fire Ministries blog:

Dr Jackson from the USA encouraged the Body of Christ in Australia to trust in the Lord as our Shepherd! (Psalm 23) Many were mightily touched by the prophetic Word from the Lord and the presence of God! Pastor Daniel also received his Honorary Doctorate of Divinity Degree from St Thomas Christian College in Jacksonville, Florida, USA. Dr Jackson officially conferred this degree on him and then pronounced, “from today you shall now be called Dr Daniel Nalliah.” At this point the whole crowd erupted in a standing ovation of highly emotional shouts of joy and praise to God!

Then the lovely wife and beautiful children of Dr Daniel joined hands with him, along with his sister and her husband who had travelled all the way from Sri Lanka for this very special day, to thank their Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ for this wonderful honour. With tears of joy, Dr Daniel shared, “I do not deserve this. It is nothing but the grace of God. I thank you all for standing together with us as a family and ministry. I know for sure that we can reclaim Australia for Jesus. We cannot let another generation pass by. I believe that we in this generation will see the promises of God and His prophetic destiny for our nation of Australia fulfilled in this Great South Land of the Holy Spirit.”

Now, I don’t totally disregard Danny’s words in the above. “I do not deserve this.” – There’s a statement I have no problem with.

This man, legitimate winner of such awards as the Gold Ernie for most sexist public utterance of 2009, and Best Sideshow Barker, Mount Ainslie Circus, thinks he’s got a doctorate.

Now, whoa a minute while we go over some preamble to the ceremony…

• Is this Jackson fellow a doctor, as in actual Ph.D, earned by writing a proper dissertation and bestowed by a reputable university? It’s uncertain. Zamekio Jackson seems to spend a lot of time bestowing honorary Ph.Ds throughout the States. Danny’s is only special in that it involved overseas travel.
• “The Guest speaker Dr. Jackson from the USA is a mighty man of God who is the president of an International Bible College and oversees 348 churches across America. He is a man of prayer who has experienced many mighty miracles as he travels across the nations to minister the Word of God.” – Catch The Fire blog, 24 Jan 2010… but Groupsects blog got to the bottom of the Jackson empire of 300 churches to find “Basically Zamekio has set up his own (unaccredited) college and denomination and if you cough-up the fees you and your church can join too. It’s a business, including the usual lucrative speaking circuit scenario, not a ‘ministerial oversight’ situation. At best, this is a misrepresentation by Nalliah.”
• And the college bestowing this honorary degree that Danny seems keen to trade upon? “

I’ve spent several weeks digging into this ‘College’ and nothing about it checks out at all.

Thanks to Google maps Street View you can cross check the addresses of facilities and none of them match up.

Where there’s supposed to be a college campus, there’s just a row of houses. Where there’s meant to be a church, there are empty shops. Or the address given simply doesn’t exist.” – Groupsects

Chasing myself up here, but I just did some research via Google Maps and Street View on the “college” that’s awarding Danny “Cash In On The Fire Ministries” Nalliah an honorary doctorate (which he better not start treating like a real one)… “Google Maps Link to St Thomas Christian College – 1624 Edgewood Avenue West, Jacksonville, FL, United States” shows a tinpot couple of houses and a parking lot.

The 570 Ellis Rd S, Jacksonville address shows a building the size of a small-town hardware store (about 50 car parks), next to the Mental Health Center.

6507 West Beaver Street, Jacksonville, the “Seminary and Graduate School”, appears to be an abandoned petrol station. - Black, in the AFA forums

The address listed for the accrediting institution (the ‘Southeastern Association of Christian Colleges’), 402 Tabernacle Rd, Ehrhardt, SC does not exist.

There is no ‘Tabernacle Rd’ in Ehrhardt, South Carolina.

This forum post sheds more light.

“Hmmm, St. Thomas Christian College and Theological Seminary? Hmmm, accredited by the Southeastern Association of Christian Colleges (a play off of the legitimate Southern Association of Colleges and Schools). It is funny that in the “schools” information pages it even gets the name of the bogus accrediting body wrong on a 2nd page about accreditation (it is also grammatically incorrect with regard to case, etc.) LOLOL This place is a serious diploma mill. The name of the “college” itself is a rip-off of the name of the legitimate St. Thomas University of Miami Gardens, Florida (which is a Catholic college, run by the Augustinian Friars).”

Ah, St Thomas, ever dubious!

So, basically, somebody who may not be a doctor, from a university that isn’t really a university, confers a degree that isn’t actually a degree on Danny.

How should he now be styled? Fortunately, I remember the mail-order catalogues from Fyshwick, back in my younger days. The answer is simple:

Danny Nalliah is The New Non-Doctor!

PS: The Great South Land Of The Holy Spirit is actually the Island Espiritu Santo in Vanuatu: it was never Australia. Check this out! Is this Pentefundacostal scholarship in bloom?

Postcards to say something 025: Eating The Red Words Last…

It’s all been said a lot of times, but apparently some skulls are too thick and need Applied Percussive Maintenance™.

Whether or not your list of uncleans, abominations and what have we applies to the modern christian or not, there is no call from any word of Jesus in your bible that any law or rule for believers should in any way be applied to unbelievers.

Does this make you look suspiciously at the motives of those who want to get into government and enforce universal compliance with “christian” rules? If I still believed in a Jesus who was other than a being of fable, I’d see him knotting up the ol’ Pharisee Whacker 5000™ for another round.

Still, carry on, lads! If you manage to make the whole world act godly, there won’t be any need for a god anyhow…

Postcards to say something: 023 – Nothing Of Substance

Suddenly I could see why the skywriting was so totally emblematic of the whole campaign!

Congratulate yourselves, guys. It’s a do-nothing feel-good for those already in the churches, and it’s going to appeal to the marshmallow-headed vibe chasers who want a four-song sandwich and a salved conscience.

Spot on!

And the poor, you shall always have with you, unless the poor fuckers starve while you’re busy with the banners and the skywriting. – Gospel According to Black.

Postcards to say something: 021 – Day Of The Dead

I buried my Stepfather today. He was more of a dad to me than the gene donor.

He was not a learned man, although he was more than brilliant in practical ways. Bush mechanicking and skill with even difficult animals were just two of the things that, like his ears, stuck out.

We had to try a little harder to get along together than is the case for blood-relatives (I’ll excuse my father from this particular comparison), but I thought I knew the man.

His entry into christianity was gradual, as this man had a low tolerance for bullshit. He was apparently scared into the flock by some of that alarmist material Stan Deyo was putting out in the late 70s.

The man I knew was kind. Not a soft touch, and guaranteed to give the “pretend-looking-for-work” bloke some actual hard work to do, but a fair reward at the end. Of course, association with church people influenced him over the years.

I haven’t had a lot of contact with the old man since my mother died. He went to stay with the sister I can’t stand, and I gather he attends her church in the relatively-affluent suburb where she and her unpleasant husband live.

I don’t know what sort of tolerance and charity Affluent Jeebus teaches, being of the sort who thought, even when a believer, that the whole Jesus thing was more about the unempowered.

Still, when the only email I get from him in months is all BIG RED LETTERS, saying:

Good Day and welcome to a brand new edition of :

‘ASYLUM’.

And here’s your game show host…here’s KEVVVIIINNN !!!

Today’s program features another chance to take part in our exciting competition:

Hop on a boat

And win

A FREE HOUSE!

We’ve already given away hundreds of millions of dollars and thousands of dream homes, courtesy of our sponsor,

The Australian Taxpayer.

And don’t forget, we’re now the fastest growing game on the planet.

Anyone can play, provided they don’t already hold a valid Australian Passport, and you only need one word of English:

‘ASYLUM’

Prizes include all-expenses-paid accommodation, cash benefits starting at $800 a week and a chance to earn thousands more begging, mugging and accosting drivers at traffic lights.

This competition is open to everyone,
buy a ticket to Indonesia

And catch the first available boat.

No application ever refused – reasonable or unreasonable.

All you have to do is destroy all your papers or burn your boat once you

Enter Australian waters and remember the magic password:

‘ASYLUM’

A few years ago, 140 members of the Taliban family from Afghanistan were flown Goat Class from Kabul to Indonesia’s gateway where agents were on hand to fast-track them to their boat trips to luxury accommodation

They joined tens of thousands of other lucky winners already staying in hotels all over Australia

Our most popular destinations also include the Baxter’s reef and the world famous Christmas Island resort

If you still don’t understand the rules, don’t forget, there’s no need to phone a friend or ask the audience

Just apply for legal aid.

Hundreds of lawyers, social workers and counsellors are waiting to help.

It won’t cost you a penny.

It could change your life forever .
So play today.

Iraqi terrorists, Afghan dissidents, Albanian gangsters, pro-Pinochet activists, anti-Pinochet activists, Kosovan drug-smugglers, Tamil tigers, bogus Bosnians, Rwandan mass murderers, Somali guerrillas…

COME ON DOWN!

Get along to the Indonesia fishing ports

Don’t stop in Thailand or Bali

Go straight to Australia

And you are:

GUARANTEED

to be one of tens of thousands of lucky winners in the easiest game on earth.

Everyone’s a winner, when they play

‘ASYLUM’

… then I know the man I once held dear has died.

And may they put Anglo Jesus in the ground with him, before I piss on it.

Postcards to say something 018 – Mercy Killing

To all those who spoke out against those blame-the-victim, exorcism-driven exploiters of damaged young women, ironically known as Mercy Ministries, Thanks.

Especially, kudos to  Sean the Blogonaut, whose tenacious pursuit of the truth has followed the path of twisty little redefinitions and disavowals, and John from Against Biblical Counselling, who may have hit on a plausible reason why Nancy Alcorn’s enterprise concentrates heavily on eating disorders and homosexuality.

And to the ex-Mercy survivors, the hope that this brings some comfort. The power to succeed is yours.

No thanks at all to the christians who suspected something was amiss, but wouldn’t speak out because that would be “letting the side down”.

The job’s not finished yet. There are still charlatans doing damage to the already-damaged, dealing in a hoodoo world of demons, “spiritual warfare” and other unverifiable hooey, often to the increase of their own wealth and prestige. (You can test this one for yourself by taking notes and see who does well out of exorcisms: the victims are rarely permanently better, but the “practitioners” do quite well indeed.) Jesus may not have answers, but these slick witchdoctors do.

Postcards to say something: 017 – In The Pink

It’s a bit of a crackup. Is Benny in the dark, or does he think everybody else is?

And while it’s dark, watch out for Father Kidfidlan.

Come on, you lot! Out of the cloister, out of the closet, and admit that women are people too!

Postcards to say something: 016

When the apologists and polemicists have had their say, waggled their texts and retired to sharpen their pointing fingers, the whole god business comes down to a matter of faith. There is much encouragement in christian culture to keep meeting and talking together, and mutually reinforcing that faith.

But what is being reinforced?   The biblical Jesus and early christian church, for example, did not believe in doing anything about the government of the day, apart from obeying it. The moral standards they chose for themselves were simple: avoiding sexual immorality and not eating meat offered to idols. What is more, these standards were for the believers themselves, and there was no call to enforce compliance among the unbelievers.

There are so many add-ons in the churches of today which are merely constructs of political and social engineering. It takes a lot of bible-twisting to justify them. Ironically, the church hierarchies (unbiblical in themselves) have managed to bury Jesus in a pile of new material, and it says a lot against his divinity that he has so far been unable to dig himself out.

Postcards to say something: 015

God speaks? No, people do that.

Whether it’s the Voice of Doom telling us there’s a Pudding with our name on it unless we comply, Danny “Catch The Liar” Nalliah telling the gullible about the Invisible Soul-Snatching Goblins, or just the domestic-model nutjob with a hobby or a fancy, wanting to add a little more authority to his demands… people speak on behalf of god.

It’s a neat trick. With enough cult indoctrination, you too can learn to develop voices in your head.  Or pretend you hear ‘em, and say what you jolly well like.

Remember:

• Be solemn (unless you’re Pentecostal, in which case just avoid making the chicken noises too often);
• Use the Third Person… “The Lord says…”  (don’t want the audience thinking you’re doing it off your own bat!);
• Plausible deniability helps: “if your faith is great enough” is a trusty standy;
• Only tell the parishioners you fancy that “God wants us to be together” in private… (Bonus points if you check for a mike first).

Postcards to say something: 013 – The Mammonary Glands

Giving the theologians a rest, and letting the economists loose for a moment. The Purple Economy would be a good jumping-in point.

Money for anybody’s good works may be justified, but tax exemptions, subsidies and other breaks, for the purpose of spreading the brain-virus further? It’s so patently dishonest, the first thing that one sees is generally apologists yawping about the “good works”.

Would churches be prepared to let all charities be subject to the same rules for funding and taxation, and “charities” to be defined in a way that didn’t include proselytising?

Would the carpetbagging Hinn-jet and the Houston family property portfolio, for example, suffer under such arrangements?

What of the property portfolios of some of the more “traditional” churches, asset-rich with dwindling, ageing congregations?

How much would actual charities like the Bob McGuire Foundation be able to disburse if there was a tie between funding and works?

Well, let your mind boggle… nobody’s lifting the veil of secrecy from that one while there’s a buck to be salted away or diverted to propaganda purposes.

Those Missing $240 “All About Life” Banners…

A plausible theory for the disappearance of those bits of $240 Babble Society merchandise? An indicator of the way things might have been if Jesus was all about the lives that don’t have too many hot chips because it’s cold in the dumpster?

It makes you think… so quickly, think of something nice, like birds in pants.

If the big banner out front is down, the church might see the street, and that would never do, would it?