Pascal’s All-Day Sucker.
Anybody who’s been “witnessed to” by a christian of any intellect at all, is probably aware of Pascal’s Wager.
Good ol’ Blaise Pascal, mathematical French guy, provided this little mind-bender, and it’s been a handy leading edge to many a wedge of witness ever since.
Oh, you don’t need to prove there’s a god, it goes. Just hedge your bets. If you follow my simple gambling system, says Pascal, you cannot lose…
- Believe there’s no god and die believing there’s no god. If there’s no god, End of story – No Gain, No Loss.
- Believe there’s a god and die believing there’s a god. If there’s no god, End of story – No Gain, No Loss.
- Believe there’s no god and die believing there’s no god. If there’s a god, Endless Pain and Nasty People With Pitchforks. Never mind that they’re not in the bible.
- Believe there’s a god and die believing there’s a god. If there’s a god, Jackpot, grab a harp and get ready for a forever of being good.
Now, like many a racing system, there is a bit of flawed thinking going on. Like the tout who has you mentally counting your winnings, the whole shebang concentrates on Happy Endings.
Please forgive me for wandering, but this reminds me of the olden days.
There was an old trick that got tried time and again at my boarding school: new boys would be told not to stoke up on sausages, because this dinnertime there would be as much ice-cream, jelly and custard as the lads could eat, due to some mysterious malfunction in the kitchen freezers.
Of course, the greedy little blighters would often eat one sausage, or none, out of their three. The older lads would say, “Oh well, if you don’t want those…” and wolf down the discarded snags.
Guess what? Dessert was a small serving of Indescribable Hard Slice in a small pool of watery custard, as always.
And we were speaking of sweets, weren’t we? Well, what about this for a revised “wager” – Pascal’s All-Day Sucker:
- Believe there’s no god, live life like it’s all there is, and die believing there’s no god. If there’s no god, End of story – Life lived, No Loss.
- Believe there’s a god and die believing there’s a god. If there’s no god, and you’ve been holding back on living (a big “Hi!” to all our celibate clergy) and spent your entire life praying, tithing and annoying people about your religion, it’s still end of story – No Gain, and a complete loss of a life.
If the absence of other possibilities annoys you, perhaps I could interest you in this wonderful scheme where I bless all your money overnight in my Secret Holy Place. Results are guaranteed!