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Critical Review and parody site of the Jesus All About Life campaign
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  • Postcards to say “Boo!”


    Just when you thought it was safe to get back into the holy water…

    Where have we been? Jeebus has answers, but he isn’t saying.

    api
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  • Postcards to say something 025: Eating The Red Words Last…

    OTLaws600

    It’s all been said a lot of times, but apparently some skulls are too thick and need Applied Percussive Maintenance™.

    Whether or not your list of uncleans, abominations and what have we applies to the modern christian or not, there is no call from any word of Jesus in your bible that any law or rule for believers should in any way be applied to unbelievers.

    Does this make you look suspiciously at the motives of those who want to get into government and enforce universal compliance with “christian” rules? If I still believed in a Jesus who was other than a being of fable, I’d see him knotting up the ol’ Pharisee Whacker 5000™ for another round.

    Still, carry on, lads! If you manage to make the whole world act godly, there won’t be any need for a god anyhow…

  • Postcards to say something: 024 – Insert Thirty Pieces Of Silver After The Beep

    answers600

    If you hold your prayers up to your ear, you hear your own heartbeat….

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  • Postcards to say something: 023 – Nothing Of Substance

    fluff600

    Suddenly I could see why the skywriting was so totally emblematic of the whole campaign!

    Congratulate yourselves, guys. It’s a do-nothing feel-good for those already in the churches, and it’s going to appeal to the marshmallow-headed vibe chasers who want a four-song sandwich and a salved conscience.

    Spot on!

    And the poor, you shall always have with you, unless the poor fuckers starve while you’re busy with the banners and the skywriting. – Gospel According to Black.

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  • Postcards to say something: 022 – Go To Hell

    HellSick600

    Seriously, I don’t know what the younger generation of christians are being taught.

    If you are looking for accommodation, I hear hell is quite nice this time of year, and has a lot of room set aside for you. - “Jesus FTW”, who endured the lengthy rigmarole of getting an AFA login, just to tell us that.

    Does it make him happy? Is that a Jesus-like attitude? He’s only the most recent of a container-load of wallies with the same “message”, although the focus generally seems to be on the writer’s own glee at our impending damnation and torment.

    Still, I’m glad, in a totally Pollyanna-like way. Why, you may ask…

    The joy that these sick-puppy types get at the idea of me and Gee Suss reclining in a jacuzzi of molten lava, or whatever their twisty little minds can conjure up, is free.

    It costs nothing from us fantasy victims (although I must confess I feel a bit squicky at the idea they may get excited enough to give themselves Special Rubs), and it hopefully sublimates those nasty urges, so they don’t need to go attacking church youth, pulling the wings off puppies, or whatever.

    We should be charging for the therapy.

  • Postcards to say something: 020 – Hello, Weenies!

    helloweeny

    No, I’m not for the halloween thing either. Although it stems from Irish and Scots culture, (Burns’ poem “Halloween” tells of the Scots observance), it is still superstition, and no superstition is a good thing.

    And just remember, the christian myth has a zombie in it too.

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  • Postcards to say something – 019: Jesus thinks you’re a jerk.

    From a certain political aspirant (with emphasis on the ass and the rant) came this delightful piece of hate mail, spread below like a puddle of (sic):

    “Is it a reflection on your own in ability to gain publicity that u had to hijack jesusallaboutlife web site? Pretty pathetic effort! And why do u only attack Christians? Where are ur web sites attacking Islam, buddism Hindu etc. I guess Christians r just a soft target! U wouldn’t want to offend anyone who might fight back eh! PS it wasn’t me who disabled ur web site, but more power to whoever it was. Not because I disagree with free speech, but because u hijacked th domain name. Did u do that to try to stiffle th Christians right to free speach? Surely not!”

    Dear boy:

    1. English lessons. Get some in.

    2. Hijack? We own this site, and there is no attempt to pass it off as anything but the commentary and satirical site it is. Legal, we are! We have owned this site from inception.

    3. If you’d like to observe me and my playmates giving the other silly superstitions a rousing send-off, I suspect one of your carers can direct you to the Atheist Foundation. This is, after all, Jesus – All About Lies, not Krishna – All About Being A Blue Dude Who Likes Cows.

    4. Christians are not a soft target. You have undue influence, and the fact that some of you cannot pull 2% in a Federal poll may be due to your personal shortcomings. Who’s the cheeky little deity who gets prayers said before Parliament? All I’m saying is the privilege you enjoy is certainly not due to merit.

    5. It was not this web site which was disabled. Anyway, what I read from your message, is that a potential Federal politician tacitly supports cyberterrorism. I shall remember this, and don’t be surprised if you wind up with a Federal Police dossier.

    6. If you were not so egregiously stupid, and were not under the false impression that a domain name was hijacked, you would realise that nobody’s right to free speech is being stifled. We have had some interesting dialogues with christians here. (And occasional comic monologues from clowns like you, but that’s hardly the point.)

    7. Go and look through the gospels and find the bit about Peter, the sword, and Malchus’s ear. What does this say to you, as a believer, regarding any christian who goes intending to do damage or harm on behalf of his god?

    8. AFA and the Convention site were certainly targetted, but nobody’s claiming responsibility. What if this was just somebody’s test run, a sort of “Look, I can do it” before mounting an extortion attack on, say, the Anglicans, Catholics or another wealthy christian organisation? Does this change your opinion of the perpetrators?

    Here’s a postcard just for you, in recognition of your sterling effort. Please write again, and this time we expect better than a regurgitation of that farrago of fallacies you copied from the newspaper, and added a hasty “so there!” before posting.

    jeebus_hack600

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  • Postcards to say something 018 – Mercy Killing

    Mercy600

    To all those who spoke out against those blame-the-victim, exorcism-driven exploiters of damaged young women, ironically known as Mercy Ministries, Thanks.

    Especially, kudos to  Sean the Blogonaut, whose tenacious pursuit of the truth has followed the path of twisty little redefinitions and disavowals, and John from Against Biblical Counselling, who may have hit on a plausible reason why Nancy Alcorn’s enterprise concentrates heavily on eating disorders and homosexuality.

    And to the ex-Mercy survivors, the hope that this brings some comfort. The power to succeed is yours.

    No thanks at all to the christians who suspected something was amiss, but wouldn’t speak out because that would be “letting the side down”.

    The job’s not finished yet. There are still charlatans doing damage to the already-damaged, dealing in a hoodoo world of demons, “spiritual warfare” and other unverifiable hooey, often to the increase of their own wealth and prestige. (You can test this one for yourself by taking notes and see who does well out of exorcisms: the victims are rarely permanently better, but the “practitioners” do quite well indeed.) Jesus may not have answers, but these slick witchdoctors do.

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  • Postcards to say something: 017 – In The Pink

    Irony

    It’s a bit of a crackup. Is Benny in the dark, or does he think everybody else is?

    And while it’s dark, watch out for Father Kidfidlan.

    Come on, you lot! Out of the cloister, out of the closet, and admit that women are people too!

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  • Postcards to say something: 015

    JesusPuppetHazAnswers600

    God speaks? No, people do that.

    Whether it’s the Voice of Doom telling us there’s a Pudding with our name on it unless we comply, Danny “Catch The Liar” Nalliah telling the gullible about the Invisible Soul-Snatching Goblins, or just the domestic-model nutjob with a hobby or a fancy, wanting to add a little more authority to his demands… people speak on behalf of god.

    It’s a neat trick. With enough cult indoctrination, you too can learn to develop voices in your head.  Or pretend you hear ‘em, and say what you jolly well like.

    Remember:

    • Be solemn (unless you’re Pentecostal, in which case just avoid making the chicken noises too often);
    • Use the Third Person… “The Lord says…”  (don’t want the audience thinking you’re doing it off your own bat!);
    • Plausible deniability helps: “if your faith is great enough” is a trusty standy;
    • Only tell the parishioners you fancy that “God wants us to be together” in private… (Bonus points if you check for a mike first).
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